1. clutches  
2. big gemstones
3. shiny/sequined shoes
4. floral patterns
5. rompers
6. patterned tights
7. studs
8. shoulder detailing
9. gladiator sandals
10. nautical inspired

This is a miley cyrus brand dress. I know what you’re thinking, but if it’s cute I’ll wear it I dont really care who made it. I love this dress because it has a cinching waist band and cute ruffles on the bottom. And it was on sale for seven bucks! A closer look at the ruffles:

I couldnt believe I found these at ross! they’re steve madden oxfords, and Ive been looking for a pair of classic leather oxfords for weeks, but they’re always expensive. These were only 17 bucks(:

heres a closer look at the stiching and the general style of most classic oxfords:

these amazing red heels were fifteen bucks, and I got them for v-day cause I have a cute white and black dress picked out and i wanted red heels to go along as a pop of color. These are suprisingly comfortable and manage to make me look like model-tall even though Im 5’3. i like the soft leather quality too, plus i dont own any other red shoes.

lastly, this is the cute design of the t-shirt i bought online. a graduate from my school started his own clothing line, and I already own a shirt and a sweatshirt from the company. The name of the brand is Arkaik, and you can check out all of his cool stuff here: arkaik.storenvy.com

Today, I was about 3/4ths through the book when I got inspired to write a peice similar to a portion of the book. The style is completely different and not my usual either, but the theme is the same. I haven’t written creative prose since I took up essay writing, but it feels good to know I still can when I want to. Here we go:

There is an awkward tension in the air. He rocks back and forth on his heels—heel toe, heel toe—and looks at her in the way men who do not know the nature of women often do. She is sitting in the armchair, her long unbraided hair falling over her thin, frail shoulders as if it is trying to extinguish the coldness between them. She drapes one arm over the chair and rests her pale face on the creases of her gown. Her expression is of one who has no expression—but empty and void of anything remotely like emotion. Her face is drained of color, and the entirety of her figure and her lifeless expression makes the impression of her being a sad plaything, a doll.

          The man takes all of this in without remark. He continues his rhythmic heel toe, heel toe; and it calms the beating of his heart.

          “Everything will be alright, Evelyn,” he says in a voice which betrays his false hopes, “we can try again. We can always try again.”

          He knows before she moves to lift her head, giving him a look of transfixed sorrow, that this is a lie. He knows it. There are some things in the world where having what one wants in the future does not replace what was lost in the past. He knows that there were things that they will never have, now, and things they will forever live with. They will never have that innocent happiness that comes with love without pain; but they will always have a drain that cannot be stopped by space nor by time.

          He goes to her, upon his knee, and tries to lift her face in his hands. She stares at him and the drain beneath her pupils are unmistakable; there is no miracle in the world that could bring back the light there that once shone. He brings her up gently until she stands, weaving back and forth like a stalk in the wind, and gathers her delicate frame into his arms.

          He digs deep within himself to find something to say that has not been said, something more honest and open than a half-hearted reassurance. He wishes he could sweep her into his arms and run out to the courtyard, point at the irises and tulips and say, “do you see what I see? Here there is life, life to be lived. We can be happy again.” The words are stuck to his lips as he mouths them—“we can be happy again.”

          Evelyn looks at him but does not see. He presses her face to his chest and feels her lips. He wants to say so much, to show her the spring leaves on the maple trees and the shaggy dog who barks incessantly at bluebirds. He wants to swing her around like a child until she laughs in that twinkling way she does. He wants to catch her, laughing with her, and say—“see? I knew everything would be alright. Didn’t I tell you everything would be alright?” and she would nod and say, “I should have believed you.” And they would return to their bed and try again.

          Instead, he can feel the tears soak his shirt and seep into his skin. It turns cold and sits there and he cannot move to say anything he wants to. All he can manage is to hold her in his arms as she weeps, rocking back and forth, and repeating the lie over and over, as if the longer he lies, the more the lies seem like truths.

“Everything will be alright,” he whispers.

It’s just once scene I wrote, and I may expand on it later. We will see.

also, I have a chictopia.com blog if you didn’t know, and it’s under the username Asiangoddess1610.

The trains sit deafening and forceful, beckoning like a force that drags in even the unwilling.

The choice is simple—east or westbound

I approach the landing and look at both trains at level.

The east is of no unusual sort, but calm and steady,

Reliable, and a guarantee of a safe ride.

The attendant looks friendly but homely, seems a bit tired or bored—either one, aren’t they the same?—and I wonder if there is woman who will ever love him.

He carries my bag as I walk up the stairs.

The seats are comfortable but worn, frayed but durable.

The windows have seen many days and nights, what do they know?

Sitting by me sleeps a wizened old man who reads the times,

And drinks a raspberry lemonade.

The bell rings and I find myself halfway up my seat-

There’s a murmur in my chest; like ice or fire

And I have made up my mind, on an act that rushes into my veins-

 to switch trains

There is no attendant at all on the Westbound train, and I guess that he is making love to a Russian in a dark corner beyond the landing.

I struggle on the high landing but make it to the seats.

The air is smoky but darkly inviting, glasses clink,

The lights are dim but I can see the outline of faces, all awake.

They seem to laugh as I choose a seat by a man whose face is turned.

The windows show no view but the reflection of high-peaked mountains.

The seats are a luxurious velvet sort.

The people are laughing now, or are they crying?

Laughing, crying, laughing…it is my imagination, or they’re getting louder!

Oh the uproar!

‘I say,’ I touched the mans sleeve, ‘what’s that racket?’

The man will not turn though I see his breath fog the glass.

We are moving now, and at moments, instantaneously-

I feel afraid, then exhilarated.

The landscape and lighting changes through mere fractions in time, it seems.

At one point we’re in a field of poppies;

Then the poppies turn the color of blood, that red-like brown and shrinks as it dries, it’s dreadful.

Then sunflowers, but the faces are faces of men as faces crumple when men die.

Some peaceful landscapes appear but they seem painted,

Fake somehow, as if the light is a trickery

Then some horrible images that speak of more deception—irises

That look like human arteries, and

Roses gardens that speak of something sinister and

Reveals those deeply imbedded lusts for things uncivilized and beastly.

The train takes a turn for the worst and here we are—

A station that is not a station, for there is no going or coming of either way;

But a fog that carries the feeling of being lost in eternity.

The feeling is more than a name, but an ever changing presence, and

All at once I feel worldly, exhausted, ecstatic, despairing.

Was it wrong then, for me to ride the Westbound train?

Where it has lead me is a foreign place, unrecognizable,

But oozes with potential or menace

Would it have been better for me to have ridden the Eastbound train?

The land beyond the fog is dangerously inviting,

Like eyes of a jaguar, the night tells me of secrets waiting to be unfolded on her streets.

The thrill is endless,

But the ache of loneliness is more than I can bear

And, so,

Am doomed to tread the grim of the station that is not a station

Until I, too, become nothing.

The man beside me stepped off the train

And I saw he had no face.  

I hope you enjoy the fruits of my manic-states. :]

The word mandala means completion in Tibetan. It appears in the Rig Veda, an Indian collection of hymns. Sandpainting is a type of mandala artwork in certain sects of Buddhism. They are spiritual teaching tools, and a sacred space.

to access progressively deeper levels of the unconscious, ultimately assisting the meditator to experience a mystical sense of oneness with the ultimate unity from which the cosmos in all its manifold forms arises                   

–David Fontana

Mandalas are geometric patterns that represent the cosmos, or a harmonious system.

Here are my favorite examples:

(celtic Buddhism)

(the pink lotus mandala)

(cosmic wholeness)

(animals)

my art project will be posted next week :]

Last friday, me and the man went to see Legion. He thought that it was horrible, and it’s true; the acting minus the main character michael, was horrible. The lines were corny and stupid. But I thought some of the images were freaking fantastic. I didn’t think it was altogether too bad, so today I’ll show you some of the images/clips that I thought were really good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a26hdznWHqI

ice cream man

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2968060953/

gladys

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hybriWzv6g

the angel fight

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2984838169/

love this part! lady steals the baby

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3219719193/

swarm of flies, a reference to the bible.

Enjoy!

this was the other lacy item I got this weekend. Me and the man went to buffalo exchange and I’ve recently been into both lacy stuff and also drapey, bat-winged things. This is a shirt that has lace in the back and shoulder but is primarily white, and has batwings and draped like a dress almost. $10

I bought a prom dress, kind of early but the sale at dillards was amazing, so this dress ended up being only 30$. It’s a cute strapless heart neckline with black and blue plad and very cute ruffling at the bottom.

Dillards was having a huge sale so I went and picked up a few things. The first was this lacy white cardigan. The lace filled the entire back while the front was a drapey kind of soft fabric. Lately, I’ve been a sucker for lace, as you will see in one of my other items. this was 10$

These boots, I bought at an army show. I was so happy to find a pair that actually fit me, and were relatively cheap (20$) for brand new leather boots. I’ve always been a fan of military inspired clothing.

I also picked up from the army place, a cool green wool jacket from the korean war and I plan on sewing military patches on it. It was only 5$!

Lastly, I went to walgreen to get some beauty items, and got some Sally Hansen nailpolish which is my favorite and on sale for two bucks a bottle. My favorite thing recently is mixing colors to get new, weird ones. Then I got some Almay mascara, which was cheaper than my usual kind and actaully works alot better, for $7.

So, thats what I did this weekend, and next weekend I’ll put up a haul because I plan on going shopping at fashion with some friends and im getting a v-day outfit.

—

One really interesting thing I found today was the youtube’s interview with President Obama. I’m a big fan of Obama because I think he’s a great oral speaker and that he’s one of few presidents who actually has good intentions and isn’t out to screw us over. Heres the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pqzNJYzh7I&feature=featured

1. Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad.
2. The Beginner’s Guide to Immortality, by Clifford A. Pickover
3. Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl
4. Archetypes and Collective Unconscious, by Carl Jung
5. The Interpretation of Dreams, by Sigmund Freud.

Movies:

1. Avatar – twice. A very good movie with Sigourner Weaver, but I don’t think it was quite as good as it was all hyped up to be.
2. Sherlock Holmes – best movie of the month and maybe of the year (haven’t gotten that far yet). Robert Downy Jr. is pure brilliance, and Jude Law is a favorite of mine.
3. Up in the Air – a wonderful, deep movie with dreamy George Clooney.

Music:

1. Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds : a reggae band from LA that was opened at a show by my man’s band, The Bend, at the Clubhouse
2. Sinclair’s Revenge: a local punkish reggae band that played with the Bend at the Clubhouse and Martini Ranch
3. Tribal Seeds: a reggae band from San Diego that played with the Bend at Martini Ranch
4. Midnite: a very famous reggae band from the island st. Croix with strong influences from Rasta, Jah
5. Boards of Canada: a very famous electronic sounding rock band from Scotland

I carry a liz claiborne brown leather bag:

1. my passport. This shows how remarkably lazy I am because I have yet to get my permit or liscence so this is the only photo ID i have. Its in a cute floral case that i got for xmas.
2. my black leather wallet with my food handlers card, and never enough money. im in culinary so its required to be liscenced, and i love this wallet because ive always been a fan of men’s accessories.
3. my grey zippy bag that has my chapstick and pencil/pens. im always writing little notes down, since I AM a writer, and i thrifted this little bag, its adorable.
4. my black blackberry-looking samsung phone, which ive dropped way too many times. its a miracle it still works.
5. my silver 120 gig ipod which i adore. its currently like sixty gigs full of every artist and genre you could imagine and its useful when im bored, in the mood for a certain song, or getting tats done.
6. my vintage pink floyd dark side of the moon silver cigarette case and a teal lighter. Im always losing my lighter to the color changes all the time. i bought this case on etsy.com my favorite ebay-type website for all sorts of random stuff.
7. my heart of darkness book by joseph conrad, an interesting book im reading for literature about the congo and the excessive greed of the aryan race.
8. a water bottle; i have a new resolution to drink lots of aqua.
9. a bottle of motrin for when my little friend pays me a visit or for when the headache god smites me.
10. My red franco sarto glasses which I ADORE. have I ever mentioned that he’s my favorite shoes/eyewear designer? pure italian genius
11. my pretty eyeglasses, which I rarely wear because they make me look nerdy as can be, but which helps me in not being blind
12. pure passion vanilla body spray which helps when the car smells funny or when i smell like certain undesirable habits

oh, exciting news of the day: I GOT ACCEPTED TO ASU. I mean yeah, who doesnt right? unless your an imbecile. but im still excited because for a while I thought I was. :p

oh, and I found a heart breaking little peice from NBC nightly news about the rescues going on in haiti. I didn’t really get into the issue until I saw this, but now I feel very sad for these people and will try to write more about it when I have time.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/121965/nbc-nightly-news-with-brian-williams-haitis-miraculous-rescues-continue

click on the photo to see a clearer version

I recently wrote another paper, even longer than before, that I submitted to the APA for review. They’re taking eons to get back to me, so I thought I’d give you a little preview. It is about answering the question: where does sexual orientation come from?

in regards to this chart, created in the 70s by Bem to chart feminine and male qualities, etc, etc, here is a quote from my essay:

“According to the Bem Sex Role Inventory, a measure constructed by Sandra Bem in 1977,  gender can be measured and fit into four separate categories: masculine, feminine, androgynous, and indifferent. An androgynous person is one who has a high amount of traits in both feminine and masculine categories, and indifferent is the opposite; one who has a low amount of either.” –The Shadow-self and Sexual Theory

I think it is interesting that sexuality can be be put on a graph; all your male and female qualities put you on a spot on the chart. Where do you think you are, or do you even agree with this inventory?

cheers.